This was posted on a blog written by one of my political science classmates. I couldn’t just leave it there without a response:

Why I Voted Democrat

I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever want. I’ve decided to marry my Dog…

I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the
government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t…

I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

I voted Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it….

I voted Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they’re doing because they now think we’re good people.

I voted Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don’t start driving a Prius…

I voted Democrat because I’m not concerned about the slaughter of million of babies so long as we keep
all death row inmates alive…

I voted Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as
they see fit.

I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters…

I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass that it is unlikely that I’ll ever have another point of view.

My response:

Why I Voted Conservative

I voted Conservative because I love the fact that the government can decide who is and isn’t good enough to get married. I have of course decided that I am good enough…

I voted Conservative because I believe that I have an inherent right to ruin the environment by driving my giant truck when I am not hauling anything…

I voted Conservative because I believe the government deserves to try and waste more money that it already has in Iraq.

I voted Conservative because I believe that my freedom of speech is more important than others’ right to live as they are without harassment…

I voted Conservative because when we let fear control our foreign policy we do awesome things like torture people…

I voted Conservative because I inherently believe that if I am unarmed I might catch the “gay”…

I voted Conservative because I believe that I would rather rely on superstition than facts to protect me from scientifically proven threats to our world’s future…

I voted Conservative because I believe that an egg should have the same rights as a person but that it is o.k. to kill innocent people in order to have revenge on others

I voted Conservative because I believe corporations should have the right to discriminate and cause suffering in the name of profit…

I voted Conservative because I believe conservative judges are necessary in order to impose their religious purity on to the heathens…

I voted Conservative because my head is so firmly planted up my ass that it is unlikely that I’ll ever have another point of view.